Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

When you're right, I don't remember. When you're wrong, I don't forget

It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.